Keys to Intense Intimacy (part 1)

You lock eyes. You can tell that the only thing your partner is thinking about is ravishing you. They can hardly get their key to work. As they fidget with the door you see them already thinking about how badly they want you…all of you. The door finally opens and you can barely get it closed before your wild, passionate night begins. 

Many relationships start out this way, but how many still have this same passion a few years in? We decided to create a series that gives you tips for rediscovering the lust, connection and intimacy in your relationship. The magic and chemistry is still there, you just have to know how to harness it!

Here are some of the fundamentals to know for part I of our keys to experiencing intense intimacy with your partner.

Get them obsessing early

Before you capture their attention when they are with you, you have to capture your partner’s thoughts when they are alone. Start your day off by letting them know all of the things they do well. Highlight something they have done that you are proud of them for. As they bask in the warmth of your admiration and respect, start to flirt. Bring up times they absolutely drove you wild and congratulate them (no, that’s not a typo) on a job well done. Not only are you building up their pride which encourages them to perform, but you are also giving them a roadmap to what they can do to make you feel ecstasy. This is a nice way of giving them pointers. 

How does that help? They can tell when they are driving you wild. Your partner cares about you and wants nothing more than to see the look on your face as the world melts away and you approach ecstasy. 

Your mood

Try to create intimacy before the two of you start having sex. Lots of people need time to unwind and relax before they’re ready to be intimate. Spend time talking to each other and making each other laugh. Take your time working up to intercouse, and don’t start until you feel connected. After you’ve had sex, keep holding each other, and talk about what you really liked about that particular session.

Being more vocal is a great way to usher yourselves into the present moment. You can share the things you’re enjoying, for example, “wow, this position is hitting all the right spots for me.” You can talk about your feelings, like, “I love having sex with you” or “I feel so close to you right now.” You can playfully tease each other with inside jokes. You can also use your words to gently call back his attention, like, “hey, where’d you just go?”

Create the space

Sex in the movies is a far cry from sex in real life. Try to remember that movies and TV shows are entertainment, and aren’t even trying to accurately portray sex. It’s perfectly fine to want to feel more connected to your boyfriend, but don’t expect Titanic-style sex every time. Instead, focus on finding your own unique kind of intimacy with your boyfriend. Think about what feels intimate between you and your boyfriend, rather than picturing Jack and Rose. Nurture inside jokes, favorite positions, and your own ways of connecting.

Start with something new or revisit a classic

“Do you remember that time you…” 

If your boyfriend is jackhammering away, it can be easy for him to get lost in the rhythm and start to space out. He may also be going somewhere else mentally to try to distract himself from orgasming too quickly. Regularly changing your position, speed, or thrusting pattern will help bring his attention back into the moment. If you sense him starting to go somewhere else mentally, take the lead and ask to get on top for a while.

Keep in mind that certain positions are more conducive to intimacy than others. It’s hard to feel very connected to your partner when you’re bent over the bed in doggystyle! Try positions where your bodies are close and you’re able to hold each other. Missionary is usually a good bet, or you can try climbing onto his lap and having both of you sit up.

Whatever you do, it starts with envisioning a connection between you two. Your partner will be able to tell when you’re all the way in it, and you want nothing more than to feel their body pressed up against yours. Give them a taste of what’s to come, provide the feedback they need to keep you in your sweet spot and give them a taste of something they haven’t seen before. We at VaHi are biased, so we’re of course going to suggest using one of our products in your playtime, but more important than what you do is why you’re doing it. If you approach your hot rendezvous with your partner as a manifestation of all the things you love about them (vs. feeling like you need to spice things up), they will sense it and respond with a passion that feeds your soul and fogs your windows.