Why don’t you want to have sex anymore?

Written by: vahi
Posted: October 13, 2020

Low libido can happen to anyone, whether you’re in a new relationship, happily committed to your partner, or you’ve been married for years. So, why don’t you want to have sex anymore? There are a lot of reasons why you may not be as active in the bedroom as you used to be, but here are some reasons that you might be able to relate to.

Everything is turned on but you

We’re surrounded by technology and often there’s no difference in the bedroom! When the TV is on and you both have your phones out, there’s not much room for intimacy. Many of us go to bed checking our phones and wake up and check our phones. Try turning off your devices to get turned on! According to health.com, in a study of nearly 150 married women, 70% said that technology interferes with their sex lives.

High stress equals low libido

I think we all know by now that stress isn’t good for us, but did you know that it affects your sex life? Women’s health expert Jennifer Wider told Self Magazine that chronic stress can cause your body to produce too much of the hormone cortisol, which can lower your libido. She continues to say that stress can also throw off your menstrual cycle, which likely won’t put you in the mood. Stress even makes it harder to orgasm and can prevent a person from climaxing at all. If this isn’t motivation to reduce your stress levels, I don’t know what is!

Mirror, mirror, on the wall is not giving you a break

Whether you just had a baby, haven’t had time to workout, have Instagram bodies stuck in your head as the “norm,” or just feel blah, it can be hard to give our bodies the love they deserve at all times. A positive and fulfilling experience in the bedroom starts with loving what you see in the mirror. Do things that improve your self-image such as getting back into your exercise routine or talking positively to your body in the mirror. You might even take a break from Instagram to clear your head.

Oh, it’s supposed to go like that?

Romantic Hollywood scenes and tantalizing pornographic shows have given us all sorts of expectations surrounding our bedroom activities. The hand should go here, but not there, and you should do this, not that. The hot and heavy fairytale scenes that you see on the big screen don’t have to be the basis for all of your satisfying moments. Give into the moment and don’t let preconceived images tell you what your partner is supposed to do, what you’re supposed to say, or how you’re supposed to feel. Give yourself permission to feel pleasure from that. There’s no textbook way to feel pleasure or enjoy intimacy with your partner; not even Hollywood can tell us how to do that.

Connecting is still important

I’m sure we can remember at the beginning of our relationships, how much we caressed, hugged, held hands, and showed little signs of affection throughout the day for our partner. While the feelings may still be there, our busy lives can often get in the way of small connections throughout the day. It can be difficult for an individual (especially women) to have sex with their partner, if they don’t feel a connection first. Try to ignite feelings of desire and love throughout the day whether that’s a sweet text message in the morning or a butt grab while you’re making dinner. Don’t forget that intimacy starts outside of the bedroom.

Take that off your nightstand

While you don’t have to have a pleasure paradise every time you want to get down with your partner, scenery is important. It can be difficult to get in the right mindset when you have a stack of overdue work papers sitting on your nightstand, or piles of laundry calling your name from the corner. While it doesn’t always have to be candlelit perfection, if you’re having trouble getting in the mood, you might want to take a look around the room and see if you can get rid of some distractions before your next rendezvous.

Kids

It really just needs one word, am I right?! Whether you have a newborn, toddler, or teen, having children can easily change your sex life. With extra responsibilities and less alone time, it can be hard to get what you need sexually. Making time for you and your partner without the kids is key to a healthy sex life. Whether that’s one night without the kids or a weekend away while the kids are at grandma’s, scheduling your alone time might just be the key to that fulfilling sex that you used to have before babies.

The list goes on. There is no shame for why you might be feeling less sexy this month or why you and your partner have lost a little bit (or a lot) of that satisfying sex that connected you before. Guess what? It’s normal. Give yourself grace and time to find yourself again, and that may start without your partner first.