In the second part of our series on intimacy, we will get a little more technical and explore some of the non-sexual factors that can have a big impact on your rendezvous’. If you follow these tips, you and your partner will be well on your way to not only intense intimacy, but some of the hottest sexual encounters you and your partner have ever had. After all, you deserve hot sex with someone you care about! If you’re new to the series, take a peek at our Keys to intense intimacy Part I.
With no further ado…
Sometimes we are asked “what does mindfulness have to do with my intimate encounters with my partner?” The answer is almost everything! In order to be intimate, you first have to be present and in a mental space to receive maximum pleasure. This is defined by being in the state of mind to give pleasure to your partner and enjoy being the source of their attainment of ecstasy, while also being in a mindset that allows you to receive intimacy and pleasure while being in the moment. Being able to clear your mind is a skill that often does not come naturally, so we have to work on it like we build our other muscles and habits. We know we have reached success when we are able to tune out all of the noise and distractions and just focus on our happiness and the happiness of our partner.
There are many times when sexual dysfunction or the lack of intimacy is just in our heads. How many times have we gotten anxiety in the middle of our sexual encounter because we are worried about how we look in that certain position. By accepting that your partner loves you for who you are, and they are only thinking about how to pleasure you, it releases the anxiety and stress that comes with all of the other negative thoughts. This includes also thinking about logistics. Planning your next day, or worrying about work, kids, and other issues takes you out of the moment and creates distance between you and your partner. Your partner can feel that, and will back away as well. Practice locking all of those thoughts and negative emotions in a vault in your head, and commit to not realising them from that safe until after your intimate encounter.
Suspend all negative thoughts and feelings, and just be in the moment. Release the anxiety, fear, doubt and worries, and accept that the only thing that matters in those moments is your pleasure and that of your partners.
Make eye contact
You would be surprised how many times couples go through an entire year of sexual encounters without staring each other in the eyes more than a handful of times. Eye contact is one of the fastest and most effective ways of creating an intimate connection inside-or-outside the bedroom. Looking into someone’s eyes and having them stare into yours creates a deep vulnerability and emotional connection that is hard to get almost any other way. Every once in a while try kissing your partner while you both keep your eyes open. Continue that eye contact as you explore their body with your hands or mouth, and think of a few positions in advance where you can make eye contact during your encounter.
Talk during your encounter
Being more vocal is a great way to not only stay in the present, but increase the fire during your encounter! If you are new to talking to each other during sex, start by bringing it up in conversation before hand to see if they’ve done it before and what kind of expressions they like during sex. Then you can introduce sharing the things you’re enjoying in real-time, such as, “wow, this position is hitting all the right spots for me” or “that movement feels so good.” If you all have been together longer, you can talk about your feelings related to the moment such as “I love having sex with you” or “I feel so close to you right now.” Adding these physical or emotional expressions focuses both of your attentions and brings you closer together.
Build a love map
A love map is a guide to what turns your partner on and off erotically. Taking the time to actually understand these not only makes the other person feel like you care about them, but it helps guarantee that you will be able to provide them ecstasy. We particularly like these questions from sex expert Kyle Benson:
- What felt good about sex last time?
- What did we do that caused you to feel closer and connected to me?
- What did we do that made you relax?
- What did we do that turned you on?
- What do you need to make sex better for you?
- What do you need to feel in the mood for sex?
- What makes sex more like lovemaking for you?
- What are fantasies or thoughts you have during sex?
Don’t try to force it
Sex comes many different ways, and the variety of types, styles, and ways of having sex is part of what makes it so special. You are not always going to have the right conditions for intimacy, and that’s not only okay, it’s a good thing! Sometimes a quick and dirty rendezvous is great, at other times a rough session is exactly what you need to relieve stress. If you don’t try to make every encounter intensely intimate, and instead focus on those times when you all have a great opportunity for having the biggest connection, you will find your encounters oozing with passion.
For more ways to steam up those special moments, explore the VaHi collection and add extra spice to your special moments!